Advent

It is only four days until Christmas. I have a settled feeling about this year. I am grateful for the blessings of the Lord on our lives, despite the adverse situations we have encountered. Family, friends and the promise of hope in our future keep me going. My mind repeats "People, get ready, Jesus is coming..." and I am in anticipation of that. The Lord is good. He is faithful, even when we cannot see what is before us. Many things have tried to sabotage that in my mind, but I press on, waiting for the Lord to come. Christmas. A blessed time, a lonely time, a time of reflection. Thank you, Lord for coming. We need you. I need you. I look forward to that day.

November Musings

It was a seasonably warm day today. Not sure whether to wear long sleeves or a short sleeved top with a hoodie. I opt for the latter and walk outside. Sunny skies, a cool breeze stirring, leaves fluttering down from the trees, and the smells of fall settle down on the earth. Kids were enjoying one of the remaining nice, outside play days. Wyatt and Sami were playing in their log cabin, and taking turns pulling one another around in the field. Soccer season is ending,and the weather gets ready to greet the winter sports seasons. Paige played soccer today. Her team won. She says they won the "International State Championship". Mama and I will not dispute this. Elijah runs on the grassy areas now chasing his "ball-ball", with Jamin following closely, encouraging him to be a little boy, not a baby. It is nice to see them playing and enjoying the day. Beaux and Charlie romped in the back yard today, too. Chasing one another, playing dog games and stopping to watch passers-by out near the ball field. Nothing earth shattering, nothing out of the ordinary, but it feels cozy and warm and peaceful. Thank you, Lord, for a quiet day.

Yet when I am afraid..

It seems that no matter what happens, trusting the Lord is always the answer. He gives us the will to do according to His way and always provides a way of escape from the fears and turmoil and temptations. It has been a hectic time, but when I trust in Him, I always feel that inner calm despite my fears. When I am weak, He is strong. Thank You, Lord, for always being with me in spite of the storms. Help me to trust You before the fears, anxieties, and turmoil overcrowd my mind. I will trust in You.

Family and Love

This was the end of another hard week at work...deadlines and demands and keeping up with the pace. I needed to kick back and relax a little, so I took a half day off on Friday, went for a haircut and treated myself to a new top. That was nice, for all of the hour it took me. But then I came home...and was treated to little arms wrapping around me with anticipated greetings of "Nana, nana, you are home!" We all piled into the car: Wyatt, Samantha, Michelle and I. We drove to Kami and Jack's house. There again being greeted in a similar manner, only with bigger stronger arms, hugs, kisses and one little voice tugging at my heartstrings in its unknown language spattered with a word or two in English. Even though Paige, Victoria and Jamin were busy playing with their friends, they all stopped to give hugs and kisses and introductions of new friends. Little Elijah stood at my side, arms held up asking to be held. That is the real expression of love. Happy, little voices, hugs, kisses and being wanted.... We had a busy visit, cleaning a lamp, visiting, and sitting around the table. The girls were giggling and the boys were roughing it....happy sounds. Then a phone call. Kory and Jenn have great prospects for work around NJ, Can they come and stay in two weeks? Jack coming home, where are we? I will meet you at home. Another call, would you meet me for a date? A quiet dinner, easy conversation and a relaxing atmosphere. Coming home, hearing voices quietly talking in the night, "Mama, can we .....?" Endearing words, a smile in my heart. Jack and I walk into the kitchen, greeted this time by two wagging nubs of tails, swaying bodies, and sloppy licks. We sit on the couch, and just relax. A quiet night. Nothing spectacular, nothing earth-shattering. Just a quiet contentment, a soothed spirit and rest...thank You, Lord, for my family.

Count It All Joy....

It has been a long time in the making... I was not sure when we would see it, but God has opened His arms, and poured out His gift of grace. James tells us to count it all joy when we fall into trials. That patience would provide reward, and every perfect gift comes from God above. Just when my heart was beginning to feel it could not take any more hurt, I begged God to show mercy. In faith, I chose to praise Him. I didn't feel it, I didn't have much to offer, but God looked at my heart and knew my wish to obey Him was real. I chose to praise, rather than wallow in pity. God heard my cries and blessed us for not abandoning His commands. My last blog on the 2nd was to be thankful for what we have been given, then I was prompted to praise Him on the 3rd, even in the trials. Well, the last court date was the 5th. That trial has finally had some closure. We are told to pray for those in authority. I did that. A newly appointed judge on the case was receptive to the cruelties that have been endured these past years, and God used Him to end the nonsense. I am ever grateful for the ways of the Lord. It was not the way I would have answered, but in His infinite wisdom, He provided. More than we could have asked.. Praise the Lord! I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. And He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to endure.

Showers of Blessings

Blessings come in all different shapes and sizes.....laughter of children, jingling of dog collars, someone's old things being new to another, warm pajamas on a chilly night, someone to wrap their arms around you and make you feel safe, a kiss from a child, a kind word, the smell of a freshly brewed pot of coffee, accomplishing a dreaded task, the satisfaction of passing a test, knowing that you have blessed another with kindness, being content in God's word.

Sounds of Life

I sit here, listening to the background noise around me. I hear dogs playing together, collars jingling. I hear "WordGirl" saving the day as Wyatt plays with his Bakugans and Batmans. I hear the sound of food being prepared and Sami calling her mama to help her. It is not a quiet house. It is alive with activity and life. For the last four days, I have been here alone with the dogs sitting quietly by my feet. I don't mind the silence, but I do not like the isolation from loved ones. My only reprieve came two days ago, when Jack, Kami and the gang stopped by for a visit. It was a welcome break to the solitude. I love hearing the kids banter with one another. I love the sounds that Elijah makes while trying to mimic speech. It tickles me when an occasional word comes out of the babble. Cartoons coming alive from the tv screen and laughing, talking and even the moments of silence shared with others. God was wise in His infinite wisdom when He stated man should not be alone. He filled our souls with a need for others. Times to share, whether they are vocal or quiet, are not meant to be for a crowd of one. I thank God for my family, for the sounds of every day life coming around the corners, filling our walls and hearts with happy memories.

...and the seasons, they go round and round...

Another summer has come and gone. The signs of fall are starting to subtly show themselves. Leaves falling quietly into the cold pool water; colors beginning to peek through the green on the trees and bushes. Children walking to and from school, fall sports teams crowding the fields; cornstalks and pumpkins making their way onto porches and stoops around the area. Cool nights without the air conditioner blowing through the rooms. September's crisp morning weather, deep shadows in the morning and early sunsets in the evening. I am not yet ready to give up the shorts and flip flops for cumbersome shoes and clothing. But whether I am ready or not, the seasons change. I appreciate the autumn, but I will miss the carefree nights and days of summer....lazily floating in the pool, sipping ice cold tea on the patio under the umbrella. Watching my grandchildren capture moths, butterflies and lightning bugs, cover them in the "bug tent" and study them intently. In a few weeks thoughts of Thanksgiving and Christmas will start to invade my summer memories. The summer will be crowded out eventually, until I look at the digital photos blinking images of ocean and pools and fun. But by then, the anticipation of fall and winter holidays will be in full bloom. I will enjoy the family memories being made during their fall activities, while I sit, sipping hot cocoa and planning holiday parties. The seasons just change so quickly now. My carousel is spinning up and down and the seasons.. well, they go round and round...

Redeeming the Time

Today is the start of Labor Day weekend. I cannot believe the summer is almost gone. I had so many plans to do so many things, and now I look back and wonder where those days went. Well Elijah turned one at the beginning of the summer, then Sami turned 3, and Paige turned 12! Then there was the big move that started for Jenn and Kory. Charlie is waiting patiently for his mom and dad to take him back home. They may be surprised at the new "tricks" Charlie has learned while playing with Beaux. I guess I can scratch the plans to plant spring flowers and just go straight to the fall mums now, and spread more grass seed to fill in the big dirt patches that dogs and grandkids have managed to pepper my yard with. Another pool season has come and is almost gone. At least we had great heat blasts this year to make swimming a top priority on all of our lists. It was great to see Samantha's fear of the water dissipate and see Wyatt graduate from life jacket to swimmies-- and when supervised closely, no aids at all. He snorkels his way across the entire pool. Jamin is Wyatt's hero. He can't wait for Jamin to come around so they can play big boy games. Victoria went on her first solo trip when she visited Jenn and Kory this summer. She is turning into a beautiful young lady. Elijah now can say a few words, and those are used powerfully in his world. I watch all the kids and wonder where their energy is generated, because I feel slower than ever. I keep reminding myself that Jamin once told me I wasn't old because I still can play with them. I still try. Those days are etched deeply in my mind. I need to remember those words of wisdom when I lose my energy. The seasons still go round and round, and I can still look forward to the changes that come with them. O Lord, keep my mind on You, so that I can still be of use. Let me redeem my time here so it adds a memory to someone else's life. Wyatt told me he wanted to marry me this week. I told him I was already married to Oppie. I look around at my life and see that the Lord has indeed redeemed the time for us with a wonderful family.

Every kernel of popcorn goes through the same growth, drying and heat processes to become a delicious treat. But every single kernel turns into a different shape, size and texture. Some pop and burst into a soft treat. Others burn or their shells get hardened in the heating process. It is the same with people. We are all conceived, go through the birth process and grow. We all have trials and good times. We all are taught by our experiences and learn from them. For some of us, the learning process is quick and easy. We are taught and we yield. Then for most of us the growing and learning takes months and years. Sometimes, that produces a hardened shell, sometimes a sweet, savory taste and smell that others want to be around. We are urged by the Word of God to present ourselves a living sacrifice to the Father. Yield to His will and be conformed into the image of His Son. If we obey, that process starts to take root. It is not always an easy road, it is not always pleasant. But the end results far outweigh the pain and trial. I am not always the first to yield. Probably more the opposite, but I am learning that no matter if I am quick to obey or not, God will get the result He desires for my life. And that will sometimes take repeated pressures, trials and sorrow to produce. So, wouldn't it be a lot simpler to just yield the first time? Of course, but my stubborn attitude doesn't always let me see that. I want my way, or no way. Then God, in His infinite mercy, picks me up and allows those repeated processes to shape me. Looking back, it is simple to see. But going through those trials, I can only open my heart and mind to God and let Him know what I feel and ask Him to control me. In the Psalms, David cries out to God in anguish, bearing his heart to the Lord. It is only through the angry cries that God can reach deep enough to mold those thoughts to His will. Those cries became words of comfort and praise as David realizes the goodness of God in his life. I feel privileged to be on the same ground as David, and the Lord. Each trial, temptation, sin, repentance and yielding textures my life in a way only He can.

Diamonds in the Rough

Sometimes I look at my diamond ring. It has been on my hand for 39 years now, but still has the same shimmer and shine it did when new. That started as a piece of dirty, rough rock. The chiseling and careful cutting has shaped it into a beautiful, brilliantly shining stone. Lately I feel like my life and those around me are in the middle of that rough stage when all the cutting and chiseling is being done. I don't feel like a child of the King, I don't feel special. Just worn down and tired from being carved. That doesn't make me any less His child. But He has promised that we are accepted in the Beloved, children of the King, heirs with Christ in heavenly places. I have to accept that at God's word. I don't know why He has allowed all the turmoil to go on in our family. I thought we were following Him the best we knew how, but I guess He has other plans we can't see. I struggle so frequently with doing what I know that the Lord has for me. The path is not plain, not clear, not lit and I am stumbling through the weeds of self doubt and discouragement. The little rocks feel like boulders. But I know if I did not have the smallest grain of faith, I would have long ago been in despair, with no hope at all. Every time I think I need to be at the end of my chiseling process: I can't take any more. I am waiting to experience the results of being refined and polished, I feel the Hand of God lifting me through the prayers of my loved ones. Saying, I am not finished yet, be still, be patient. Trust Me. I thank God for allowing me to see this. We ate popcorn today, as a snack. It was fresh and warm and tasted good. We all took in the smell and our senses were teased. It has been a hard week. But God has given us a
sense of His presence. It warms the heart and soul much more than the popcorn. I am grateful that His promises never fail, even when we are faithless.

Birthdays Should Be Special Days

Birthdays are special days. They celebrate the birth of YOU as a person, and are milestones in life. I have always believed that everyone should have special treatment on their birthday. Could be choosing a special meal, a favorite place to go, a new outfit, and being surrounded by those that you hold dear in life. I have found a good place to start is to be thankful to my mom for choosing to keep me. Without the sacrificial love of a mother, one would not ever be alive. That, in itself, is something to celebrate. Being acknowledged as someone who is worth giving life. Last week, it was my birthday and last night was my granddaughter, Paige's birthday. Paige told her mom that all day it didn't feel like her birthday. Could they please invite nana and poppop to come for cake. She had no idea that we already had planned to be there when she returned from her soccer practice. I think she was a bit overwhelmed when she came in to see not only nana and poppop, but Aunt Shellie, Wyatt, Sami and Aunt Tina had come to help her celebrate "Paige". Of course, her brothers and sister and mom and dad were there, and cousins Jayden and Keenan with Aunt Kristi and Uncle John from Indonesia. So, all in all, Paige had a special day. Her favorite food, ham, for dinner and cake and ice cream later on. Balloons, presents and cards and handmade banners. What else can you want? Being made to feel loved and showered with gifts. It doesn't have to be fancy. Just genuine. Surrounded by love and family. Knowing that you make a difference to someone. Birthdays are good. Just like everyone needs a hug a day, everyone needs to feel important on their birthday. Happy Birthday, Paige!

Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer?

Not too sure how lazy these days will be... The older I get, the busier I feel. Maybe it is because my stamina is not as great as it used to be. Maybe it's the hectic, everyday work schedule I follow that eats up my energy. I feel nothing though, in the way of LAZY. I remember as a kid, waking up early on an already hot summer day, getting on my bicycle and pedaling through the neighborhood before the noises of a full play day began. Riding through the quiet streets, hearing the locust chatter away announcing another hot and humid day was envigorating to me. I remember as my children got to that same age, waking up before them, and sitting on a quiet screened in porch, enjoying a cup of coffee. One by one they would greet me, and sit for a few minutes before their already-made plans stretched open the day. Chores, and gathering supplies and snacks together for a day at the lake. Packing the car with food and floats and bodies for our daily trek. Baseball playoffs and soccer games and practices. Now, I miss those mornings of quietness: no time for coffee on the porch that no longer exists, no time for a quiet morning on the patio. It is grabbing a briefcase and coffee mug, jumping into the car for my daily commute. Saturday and Sunday are "catch-up"days. Do the laundry, clean the house, do the grocery shopping, and try desparately to have 15 minutes of down time. Now my grandkids have that luxury. They can sleep in, play in the pool, contact their friends, or sit quietly reading an attention-grabbing book. What happened to my lazy days of summer? I guess they are really the 'dog-days of summer'. Beaux seems like the only one who has the time for the laziness in the heat of the day to catch up with her. Me? I find little time to be free. Even vacation days are fillled with chores and have-tos. That is why I savor the stolen minutes I have to give or get a hug, sip quietly on a lukewarm cup of coffee or watch the clouds. Maybe that's where I am now.. in the hazy days. Days that slip into weeks and months: the years just blur past. Life is good.. but nowhere do I see time for laziness.

Think on these things....

The past few weeks have been blurring by at a fast pace. I am not sure how we passed Jenn and Kory's week-long visit with Charlie, Elijah's first birthday, Fourth of July, Samantha's third birthday and Jack and Kami's 15th anniversary! All very special events in our family. Each one of those days should have been celebrated with joy and enthusiasm. They were here, and then gone! - for another year. I wish those days could be captured and called up at will. But, they are: memories stored in the feel-good places of my mind. A mind's eye photo that can be recalled at will. Laughter in the pool and at the beach with Jenn and all the kids, chasing Charlie and Beaux across the yard, scooping up bowls of icecream for Kory. Elijah ripping open his first wrapped presents, not knowing what to expect. Kicking the balls across the floor and pushing buttons to light up toys and play cheerful music. "Uh-oh!" Singing Happy Birthday and watching the little ones scoop the icing onto their fingers, leaving the moist cake behind. Smiles, and hugs. Fireworks, parades, kids laughing and people greeting one another in the streets. The smell of back yard barbeques and cooling off in the pool. Watching Sami open her gifts and wearing ALL the hair ribbons at the same time. Twirling in "beautiful dresses" and giggles that melt your heart. Hugs and kisses and dreams of a past wedding day, that seems like a "lifetime - second" away. First years together, first grandchildren, first homes, and feeling like you've been a part of an eternity of memories. No wonder we are admonished to think on the good things. Sweet memories flood the mind and the soul, breaking down those painful, hurtful things that can destroy peace in our hearts and homes. I am ever grateful for all the good I can recall.

Musings

What can I say? Some days, you get double blessings, and some days, you don't. I was so surprised a couple days before Mother's Day to have a double delivery of flowers. They were absolutely beautiful: pink tulips, and deep purple Siberian iris. I felt guilty for enjoying them so much! Funny how little things can brighten one's world, and similarly, how small things can sometimes cloud your well being. Most days, I feel so blessed! I have a wonderful husband, three wonderful children, two of which have married great spouses, and six of the greatest grandchildren imaginable. Even 3 great grand-dogs! They all love one another, and are very happy to see each other. But there is never a bag of popcorn without one burnt or over-cooked piece, is there? It can affect all the other wonderful flavors that are melded into that one bag. It doesn't happen right away most times, but as the heat causes all those kernels to burst, that one tiny piece just damages the rest. That one piece looks the same as the others at first, and smells the same, but as it smolders, the effects of its being becomes apparent. It interferes with the savory smells and rich tastes that await us. Even the slightest contact can cause considerable damage. Lord, I ask that you take that damaged, foul smelling particle out of the bag, so that no further damage can be done. I trust that You can do this. In the meantime, give us grace to know how to avoid its impact.

Well, it has been a whirlwind the past few months. Valentine's Day, Easter and Grandparents Day at school. Not to mention work and every day activities! Victoria was a little too old to ask Nana to grandparents day this year, but Jamin and Paige did. I enjoyed walking into their world for a few hours of the day. What a breath of fresh air to be counted as a part of their daily lives. Jamin's class had us fill out a questionnaire about life when I was his age. Brought back a few good memories and we had fun with that. We also got to go to the school's book fair. I enjoyed watching him browse the many shelves of books and goodies that were displayed. He was so careful not to waste my money, only wishing for one book, that I had him get something for his brother and sisters, too. I read his reports on Alaskan Iditarod racing, and the Malamute dog breed. It was good to see the exciting things they were learning in class. With Paige, I sat in a science class discussing how to "engineer"a magazine cover and then we went to social studies to discuss ancient China. That teacher focused too much on the ancient philosophies (had to whisper in Paige's ear it reminded me of the verse in Judges - everyone did that was right in their own eyes). But it was nice to meet their friends and classmates and share in that part of their day. Afterwards, we all went back to their house. Aunt Shellie, Wyatt and Sami were there, too. We all walked to the ice cream store. Jamin and Tyler taught Wyatt how to get the big rig trucks to beep. He was fascinated by that. Sami and Elijah both enjoyed the rides they got in their strollers. Elijah's lips were smacking when he saw all that ice cream. Poor guy just had to watch all the kids eating in front of him! I am looking forward to the warmer weather and being able to do more outside. Samantha shared her popcorn with me today. She told me she loves popcorn and "lemonlade". I love watching my popcorn burst into new life and adventure. And learning that when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade!

To Baby with Love

It must take a really hard-hearted person to not be touched by a pre-born baby. I just got a call this morning from my son and his wife. They went for their first ultrasound..and their last. They were told that the baby was not there any longer. That little spark of life was put out, and even though baby was not yet born, it breaks our hearts to know we will not see Baby until we are called to Heaven. I cried, I could hear the tears in my son's voice...his sister cried. When her 4 year old son asked why is mommy sad, we told him the baby in Aunt Kami's tummy went to be with Jesus early. He was sad, and wanted to know why that new baby was not coming here first. We told him maybe Baby was very sick or hurt and Jesus wanted to make him better right away. We have only known about Baby for maybe 4-5 weeks, but Baby was already a part of our family. Wyatt's mommy told him about the baby brother she never met, and then told Wyatt that he was with Baby right now in heaven, waiting for us. I guess sometimes popcorn doesn't pop, no matter how well it is packaged, protected and kept. But that doesn't make it any less popcorn. Baby will be a part of our family into eternity. We will miss you here, Baby, but we look forward to meeting you, Baby. We know you are in the best Hands that could hold you.

Musings

This is the best bowl of popcorn anyone could have. Smiles just come to my face when I see the flavors that God has given to my grandchildren.
Sweetness, innocence, laughter, trust, kindness, thoughtfulness and individuality. There is nothing like an unexpected hug or kiss that is followed by an "I love you" given by one of these precious children.
They are the joy of my life, a gift from God like no other. I thank Him constantly for allowing me to be a part of their lives.