New Life

OK, so I started this blog to talk about my grandchildren and life and changes... well, I got sidestepped for a while.  Since my last post, which was, by the way, my son's birthday, times and life have changed dramatically. The heat and heat and humidity of summer was replaced by the rainy month of August, which included an East coast earthquake(which rippled through my office's concrete slab foundation) and was followed by a pretty substantial hurricane. As it happens so often in life, when my sister in law, Kathy, passed away, our new little Maggie Aeryn came onto the scene. It is never easy to go through a death in the family, and losing Kathy  was devastating.  God, in His Infinite wisdom took her home and out of her intense suffering. That was a blessing, but we miss her dearly. Then came little Maggie, on the second of September. She is already winning our hearts with the newly found smiles and coos that melt your heart. So Elijah became the big brother. He is handling that well. Only asking once if he should hit the baby on the head. When told no, he declared, " then I will kiss her". Paige has become a real at home babysitter and is wonderful with Maggie. We sailed right through the annual Pitman carnival and school started, with Wyatt attending Kindergarten in Pitman, and Victoria starting high school in Woodstown. Wyatt was totally amazed by the school's butterfly parade and was one of the official keepers of the butterflies for the parade. The weekend of Kory's birthday, we brought Great Grandmom Klose home to live with us. She started out here as a visit, but was happy enough to want to stay permanently.  We feel blessed to have her in our home. Jamin turned 11, and shortly after that Elijah got very ill. He looked like a hurt puppy in the big hospital bed, but has healed well, and is now back to his normal "hi-yahing" self.  Halloween has come and gone, leaving enough candy to send Wyatt and Sami out on a limb for a few days. Jamin went on his first official missions trip in late October, early November. He was part of a team that built another home for a Haitian family left homeless after their earthquake episode. Jenn and Kory celebrated their 3rd anniversary, and are living nearby. Victoria was a part of the high school varsity soccer team and officially has a boyfriend. Changes are whirling us around. Can't even keep up with all the new activities and life changes that are happening around us. Thank God, we don't have to!

July 22, 100 degrees

Samantha turns 4!

Samantha turned 4 on July 9. She is a bundle of girl, wrapped up in the old Mother Goose ditty about the little girl with a curl, just like her Aunt Jenny. There was a little girl , who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid. Samantha can charm a snake, a bug, anything she chooses. But when she wants her way, she morphs into the horrid little girl in Mother Goose.
Sami spins and twirls and dances, and ALWAYS wants a dress on.  She loves baby dolls and kittens and puppies and all the frills of being a little girl.She loves hugs and kisses and cuddling up. But don't ask her to put on a pair of pants or shorts. She definitely displays the characteristics of a true princess, in every sense of the term. What we want her to understand is that she is the daughter of the King, Jesus. I see sparks of spiritual growth in her, and want those sparks to ignite. I pray that she continues to respond to His calling. That she understands to be a princess for Jesus takes more discipline than we can provide on our own, but He will always make a way for us to obey Him. Happy Birthday, little girl!

John Elijah

Today was Elijah's second birthday. He is visiting family in Michigan this week. I called to wish him a happy birthday. Tori told him "TicTac Nana" wants to talk to you. I could hear her coaching him in the background. "Tell Nana 'I am 2 now'". "2 Now". Uh-huh! Are you going to eat bitrhday cake and icecream? Yes! It is hard to imagine life without our little precocious boy! Sweet as a button, stonefaced as all get out and already opinionated about how life should be. You just want to pick him up and squeeze his little cheeks and kiss him as he hugs back. All boy- toads and frogs and basketballs and soccer balls and his own version of run fast: "hun hast!". He just melts hearts and puts a smile on everyone's face. Happy Birthday , Sweet Boy!

Jiffy Pop Almost Extinct

Ok, so I was thinking about how automated we are now, even with popcorn delivery. It used to be popping was done in a pot, with a lid on the stove top. Then Jiffy Pop was invented: a self preserved container with popcorn and oils already packaged in a disposable pan. The anticipation of watching that flattened portion of aluminum foil start to bubble up, almost to the point of bursting, was amazing. First you would hear the kernels bouncing in the pan over the high heat. No sound of popping, just shaking kernels. Then one by one they popped open and the symphony would begin. pop! Pop! POP! PPPPPPOOOOOPPPPPPPP! The flat, shiny covering started to expand slowly, then faster until the entire lid was expanded almost to the limit. The smell of freshly popped corn would enter the room, and ride the airwaves into the next room... A good memory a great bit of nostalgia for the palate. Now, throw that bag into the microwave and within 2-3 minutes, the popcorn is done. No room for anticipation, no aromas to fill the air and tease the taste buds. Just pop it open and magically the popcorn is done. It is hard to find those packages of Jiffy Pop. They are almost extinct, like the dinosaurs.
I am truly grateful to have those memories. But I look at my grandchildren and see their symphonies starting. The sounds of laughter, singing, tiny voices trying on new words and the mature ones coaching, teaching and showing by example the way things should be. I love to see them all mingling in the yard, enjoying one another. Learning to explore the sights and sounds of love and life. I hear Sami speaking to Aunt Kami's belly, saying hello to Maggie. Telling me she is saving her special toy for Maggie or Elijah. Elijah calling his daddy "Uncle Jack-Jack" because he hears Wyatt and Sami addressing him that way. Hearing stories of how he calls his mama "Babe" because Jack calls her that. Listening to Jamin tell Wyatt that he learns from his dad's example and teaches Wyatt, and that Wyatt needs to teach Elijah. Seeing the girls hold grown up conversations with Aunt Jenny or Pop Pop. It is a blessing that these times are more precious than a container of popcorn. That we can savor each moment of time, not wishing it away. So, Jiffy Pop is almost gone, but the popcorn in my life is still just starting to sizzle in the pan. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a wonderful holiday to rekindle in our hearts and minds the self sacrificing of our military personnel. In these times of turmoil and in times past, our brave soldiers gave themselves up to protect our country. They fought courageously to ensure our freedom.  Most of these warriors were young men and women, with their whole life waiting before them.  In their untimely deaths, the rights and privileges of our great country have been established and preserved. Most of us will celebrate with picnics and parties without stopping to realize the debt we owe to our fellow citizens for allowing us to enjoy these freedoms. Take just five minutes to stop, thank the good Lord for our country, for the sacrifices our military have endured and the many sorrows others have had to give you this.  I heard one young man interviewed on the TV. He was recently given the Medal of Honor, the highest tribute given to any military personnel. When asked how he felt about that, he responded that he only did what any of the others in his unit would have done in the same situation. He felt he was only a mediocre soldier, not worthy of the praise. He then pondered how much more the good soldiers had accomplished. I was touched by his humility and thought to myself that his attitude portrayed the qualities of a great soldier. One who is willing to sacrifice all, just because it is the right thing to do. I only hope and pray that his example in this would be Jesus Christ. Jesus, who gave Himself for all, to give us the the right to be the children of God; who paid our debt, and ensured our freedom to become a citizen of heaven. Isn't He the best example of sacrifice and honor?

Love Language

I am more and more convinced that the discoverers of the love language ideas were right on track. I see more and more the differences in ways that people act and react to their surroundings and those around them. I am not good at verbal affirmations. I do much better in sharing, caring and doing for others.  I want to do all that I can to encourage and lift up those that mean the most to me. My gift of gab is not the way to go. I stumble over words, not knowing how to place the right combination together to let others know how I feel about them. I am quick to say I love you to those closest to me, but after that, the conversational skills go down. I am amazed and awed by those that can always articulate their feelings and thoughts so easily. I can easily give a hug, share a treat, or give a gift to show someone I care. I believe I do have the gift of hospitality. I love to open my home to others, share a meal, a cup of coffee or tea or an ice cream cone. What is mine, I will share with those I love.  In turn, I love to get a hug, have a phone call answered or returned, receive a card or letter and collect the many colored pictures and works of art from my children when they were young, and now their children. I adore my grandchildren. every hug and kiss and smile they have shared is bound in my memory bank forever. I love the sweet, thoughtful calls from my husband, the times he has taken me to a diner for breakfast, even when he doesn't like to go there and the small acts of love when he picks up a dish or folds a blanket or runs the vacuum. I am blessed when my family comes around to help in the house or the garden, or just pick some weeds from the patio. The thoughtful acts of cleaning up after a family meal or make me cup of coffee, just because.. thank you, Lord, for allowing us to show and receive act of love in different ways. It is like a bouquet of spring flowers, arranged in random display in a vase.

Nomad or Sojourner, or a Simple Twist of Fate?

I am ashamed of myself for the way that I have been lately. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus knows what is best for me, and He would never ask me to walk where He can't hold me up. My problem is that I am weak and I cannot seem to come to terms with what He is now allowing in my life. I grew up in 27 houses, 20+ schools and the only stability I ever felt as a child was at my grandparents home. I knew they would be there, they were not nomads like we were: they worked and lived on their property until they were gone.  Growing up, I felt like one of the characters from "Of Mice and Men", listening to my father, pleading, "tell us again, dad".....dreaming of the Utopia he always painted for us.  The next place would always be better. The new town was a fresh start. Then the move that settled them in one place for twenty years, my mother crying all the way to the new beginning- I was already 14. Another new school, another place to try and fit in, make friends, feel comfortable.  I remember in third grade, leaving school after a few months, and moving to our next best place, only to return to the same school a short time later. Then being humiliated by the teacher asking why did we leave and come back?  Then staying in the same school for 3 grades: third, fourth and fifth, even if we lived in 3 different houses. I cried when we had to go again. Bouncing back and forth between NJ and Florida, never knowing what would happen when I came home from school. But I did have my grandparents, my aunts, uncles, and cousins. They provided the only hope of home and stability I could ever imagine. Then marriage... a chance to start off fresh, maybe find a spot to settle down and live out a new life. The first few years of my children's lives were unsettled, too. We struggled to find a place to settle in... then we did. I swore when I moved into our current house, that the only way I was leaving was in a pine box. Well, financial difficulties plagued us, ill health, cancer, sick child, loss of employment, death of parents, but we struggled through. Then a happy time, watching our children grow and graduate and marry.  The grandchildren started to arrive. Happy times, good memories.  We were finally settled, in a place of comfort, and I felt like I was the luckiest person alive; to have a wonderful husband, and beautiful children and now grandchildren that would be able to have their own memories of growing up here. Then came a black wall, an abusive spouse, and hurt daughter, two babies needing their mama....court battles and lawyer fees... almost 4 full years of constant pain. Struggling to keep a positive attitude, a focused mind at work, and a step ahead of the bills, we almost made it through. Then, on top of it all, an aging mother in law, a sister in law fighting for life and a husband who could not do anything but help. Thank God for his selflessness. In spite of the situation, a lost income. Now we are forced to leave our home of 25 years, forced to give up everything we worked so hard to accomplish. I feel like I am losing my whole world. It's not a mansion, it's far from it.. it's not a showcase, but a well lived in home, with memories that flood the walls and echo through them...a place of refuge that now is being taken, not only from me, but from my grandchildren who live here and play here.  I listened as one of them said it was a homey, comfortable place to be; another who asked if he could stay here even if I died. Even the baby knows this is nana and oppie's house. What cruel twist of fate can grab this from our lives and take everything away? I struggle, wanting to let go, wanting to follow what the Lord has for me, but I breakdown in tears each time anyone says something about home. Will we have a home? Will I be able to leave all these memories and dust them from my mind?  I cannot believe how cruel this world is! I feel like my whole life is being whisked away into another dark cavern. I ask myself what horrible thing have I done to have this happen? I could be more settled by a tornado strike or a hurricane, than to have this happen. My whole sense of me is being tested here, and I am afraid I am failing miserably. My faith, my life, my stability is being washed away by a current of mishaps that never should have been.  What irony! Am I destined to be a street person, a nomad that has been pushed back to the original state of being? One who can never make it as a stable person?   My faith is really weak right now, I stand before my God, wanting to please Him, but not knowing how. I know we are to be sojourners in this life, but is this the way that is accomplished? Have mercy and pity on me, O God! I do not know how to get through this.

Without Faith

Without faith it is impossible to please God. Without faith, I am dust blowing in the wind...no where to stop, no where to go, just floating without destination, always at the mercy of the next wind, or the forces of natural occurrences. Without faith, is there any justification? When I am desperately looking for something to anchor me, to draw me in, to give me a reason to not give up, give in or collapse, the only firm foundation I have is You, Lord. I am at Your mercy, awaiting Your direction. The dichotomy of it all is that without You granting me the faith to go on, I am lost, even when I am not in despair.

Preciousness of Life

I got a text message this week from my son and his wife. They had a doctor appointment. After a lifetime of waiting, the doctor found their newest baby's heartbeat. Kami said she didn't realize how tense she was about it, until they heard the beating: thump, thump, thump... She said she broke down. I felt her pain and joy all at once. I got a call this week from a special friend, asking for prayer for a 3 month old baby who had been abused terribly. 36 broken bones in a 3 month old body. My heart aches, thinking of that little one in so much pain! One extreme to the other. My husband went up to help care for his mother today. She is a special woman. Not as limber as she once was, not able to hear or see as clearly as she once was, but still precious. Who is to say which life is worth more? All of them are precious, all of them are worthy of love. God gives life, and He wants to share it more abundantly. We need to accept His gift and hold it close. So many hearts break for lack of having one to love. Cherish what you have been blessed with, and remember always what a precious gift has been entrusted to you. Life, breathed into each person by the Living God, cannot and should not be taken lightly.

Elijah Emerges

I have been pondering the thoughts of my youngest grandchild this past week. I wonder what thoughts are racing through his mind. Elijah greets me like I am the long lost relative whenever I see him. His little face lights up and he blurts out "Nana, nana!" Then a random word slips through: "broken","ball-ball","mama", "baby", "woof-woof", "Uh Huh!" What connects those thoughts, what else is hidden only in his mind because he doesn't have the vocabulary to express it? I see his mind racing, trying to convey his experiences to me. He calculates his next move, his next word.  I watch as he examines a forbidden item. "No, no. That's mama's", he tells himself. Then he walks away.  Elijah spies the donuts and cupcakes on the table. "Ummy, ummy", he says. He looks at my purse and asks for candy...even at his young age, he expects nana to have tic-tacs in her bag. A smile starts to cover my face and I giggle silently as I think of him. A new person starting to emerge. Kind and sweet yet very opinionated and focused. Glad to know and love you, baby boy! 

Musings

I just came home from work. Friday! The weekend is here! Nobody is home...The  cold air outside is quickly forgotten as I enter the house. Beaux greets me, happy to have company.  Dogs are great. They love unconditionally, and are loyal friends. A little nub of a tail wiggles constantly, and her whole body shows her joy as she waits for my acknowledgement. I lean forward and give Beaux a pet and greet her with happy sounding words. She settles in at my feet as I sit at the table. All is well in her world. What a picture of contentment. What can I learn from her? To trust my Lord, like Beaux trusts me? To be content, allowing Him to be my my peace? I speak those words but are they real to me? I want them to be. I can only be obedient to the Word, and trust that He will make it real. I read the promises of God, and repeat them to myself waiting for the truth of those words to sink into my very being, to have them become more a part of my being than life.  I pray for my family, asking the Lord to keep them in His Hands. Mold us all, Lord, to Your image.
Thy Word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.... I believe, Lord...

It's Snowing Again...

I am reminded of a not so well-known song with lyrics that jump around in my thoughts. It so poetically states that the snow covers the ground and all its imperfections so beautifully that it is a picture of the grace of God, covering our sins. "Like the good grace of Jesus....Somewhere in heaven, it's snowing again..."  The funny thing is, though, that even when we are covered with His grace, we somehow manage to get the grime of everyday living all over us, just like the plowed snow gathers the dirt.  I scan the fields, looking for that pristine beauty of the unaltered, white blanket of snow. My eyes are fixated on that spot: drinking in the clear, sparkling white cover. Am I ever that unblemished picture to ones that don't know of God's grace and forgiveness?  I yearn to be.. I covet the special fellowship with my Lord when all is right with Him and me. I want to be an example of Christ's love to others. I hope that He can be seen in my life.  I don't want to be one who is tromping around in the slush of dirtied snow, leaving a trail of muddied footprints. I want my grandchildren and children to recognize that my life is hidden in Christ...and not a shadow of empty words and actions.  This past month, Ephesians 4:32, be kind one to another, has been whirling around me. Have I
been kind? tenderhearted? forgiving? I can say I recite those words to myself countless times a day, in a effort to make them reality. Close behind is Proverbs 3:5-6, admonishing me to trust in the Lord, acknowledging Him in all things so He can direct me. I thank God that He continually covers me with His grace, just as the snowfall covers the ground again, whitening all signs of imperfections and inconsistencies.

January

It is January.. the Christmas and New Year holidays are behind us, and the fourth snowfall of the season is upon us. The scene is beautiful: green pines supporting white hats of snow, the bleakness of the winter season hidden by the clear, white cover. We are all snug and warm in the house, until the opening door ushers in the cold blast of air, nipping our toes and causing shivers.  Neither the dogs nor the kids want to venture out into arctic air. Samantha and Paige still insist on demonstrating their "summer-baby" characters: sleeveless tops along side winter boots. I wait, no, I yearn, for the hot winds of summer.  Elijah will be two at the beginning of the summer season. He is starting to bloom now, in spite of the cold. "Nannie, up....yum... more, please...i love you...eat...uh-huh..." Words are beginning to replace that baby babble, and it makes me smile. Victoria turns 14 this week.. Wow!  Has it been that long? She is a young lady now, no more baby stuff coming from her, but she still lets me hug and kiss her, just the same. Jamin and Wyatt are real boys.  They run, hit balls and pretend to be superheroes. Jamin is Wyatt's hero. He looks up to Jamin with that look that says "I want to be like you...." Elijah had on a big brother shirt the other day....is it time to pop again????